Relationship - Rediff Gurus

Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi

Hi I am 22 year old female about to graduate as an artist, I've wasted my 4 years of college and self doubt as a graphic designer kills me everyday i wake up and think i'd finally create something but due to my own expectations i don't even open the software to start with and even if i do i don't understand what to get done with first i want to be an established designer and boom in my field, please tell me how can I be come more passionate about my career and actually make effort in it

Ans: you're experiencing a lot of self-doubt and frustration, which is completely normal, especially when pursuing a creative career like graphic design. Break down your projects into smaller, more manageable tasks. This can help make the overall process feel less daunting and overwhelming. Set achievable goals for each day or week, and celebrate your progress along the way. Like any skill, graphic design requires practice and dedication to improve. Set aside dedicated time each day or week to work on your craft, even if it's just for a short period. Consistency is key to growth and improvement. Don't be afraid to try new techniques, styles, or ideas in your work. Experimentation is essential for creativity and innovation. Allow yourself to play and explore without the pressure of perfectionism. Surround yourself with inspiration from other artists and designers. Explore different design styles, follow industry leaders on social media, attend design events or workshops, and immerse yourself in the creative community. Inspiration can come from anywhere, so keep an open mind.It's important to set realistic expectations for yourself and your work. Understand that growth and success take time, and it's okay to make mistakes along the way. Embrace the learning process and be patient with yourself. Reflect on why you chose to pursue graphic design in the first place and what excites you about the field. Reconnecting with your passion and purpose can help reignite your motivation and drive. Don't hesitate to reach out for support from friends, family, mentors, or fellow artists. Surround yourself with people who encourage and believe in you, and don't be afraid to ask for help or feedback when needed.
Remember, everyone experiences moments of doubt and uncertainty, but it's important to keep pushing forward and believing in yourself and your abilities. Keep exploring, experimenting, and creating, and trust that your passion and dedication will lead you to success in your career as a graphic designer.

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Shalini Singh |63 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi

Hi Ma'am, I'm in a 5 yrs relationship the boy is Hindu ,and I'm catholic. The boy parents agreed for the marriage but my parents are not. I tried my best to convince them. Still they not accepting. I just want to be with the boy who I love. My parents to the boys parents to find another girl and get him married so I have only time till August to convince my parents please help me what to do ?

Ans: If you are financially independent and of a marriageable age you have the right to take your own decision. Yes it is bothersome when parents or family does not agree in this case you should make your family sit down and explain to them why this boy and do so calmly without fighting or getting upset....if they still disagree, then you need to see what works for you. All the best.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Question by javid - May 03, 2024Hindi

I have been married for 3 years and it was arrange marriage, but before marriage I met my Ex, but had not any contact or messaged her, but however I liked the post of Ex in the first year of marriage but after that unfollowed her on social media. But one day my wife went through my phone and had fight why i had liked her photo and made her hurt. I apologized for it, but became more worse and she kept on going through my phone and got information on my debts which i was handling perfectly. But she said, she does not trust me. What should I do?

Ans: Hello Javid,
it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about her concerns and feelings. Listen to her perspective without becoming defensive, and try to understand where her mistrust is coming from. Reassure her of your commitment to the marriage and your desire to work through these issues together.

Transparency and communication are key in rebuilding trust. Consider discussing boundaries around privacy and social media use to help alleviate her concerns. For example, you might agree to keep each other informed about your social media interactions or agree on guidelines for accessing each other's phones.

It may also be helpful to seek couples therapy or counseling to work through trust issues and improve communication in your relationship. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your concerns and work on finding solutions together.

Finally, be patient and understanding with each other as you navigate this process. Rebuilding trust takes time, but with effort and commitment from both partners, it is possible to strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Question by RAJESH - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.

Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

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Shalini Singh |63 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Question by Jagmeet - May 02, 2024Hindi

I am relationship with someone but i have trust issue because he suddenly stop talk with me and start fighting with me because i am not trust on him and i put some wrong allegations on him that time he said to me please don't talk with me i do everything but he said you do drama what i should do i am thinking he is cheater because he suddenly stop conversation and start doing fight

Ans: I read 2 things in your comment (1) You have trust issues (2) the person you are with is cheating on you. Now lets reverse the table, and let me know if I had these issues what would have you recommended, I assume you would have asked me to (1) work on my issues, learn why I have trust issues and try to overcome them. (2) And ask me to rethink if I wish to engage with someone who cheats me romantically or otherwise... Hope you find the response to your question in what has been shared.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi

Is my husband loyal to me ?

Ans: It's challenging for me to determine your husband's loyalty without more context or information. Loyalty can be demonstrated in various ways, including honesty, trustworthiness, and commitment. If you have concerns about your husband's loyalty, it might be helpful to communicate openly with him about your feelings and observations. Building trust and understanding in a relationship often involves honest conversations and mutual respect.

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Ravi Mittal |182 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi

Hello sir , i am 21 year old graduated ,How to make gf ?? As in college everytime i talk to girl she make me friend as i get into friendzoned...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you are finding it difficult to meet girls IRL, why don't you try out dating apps? It can be perfect for you. First of all, the chances of getting friend-zoned on a dating app are comparatively lower because it is a dating app and most users are using it to find a date. Yes, some people look for friends too but they will either mention it on their Bio or match with people who mentioned the same on their Bio.

I suggest you research a bit and find a dating app that fits your requirements. For instance, some apps cater to people looking for serious commitment and some others are solely for casual relationships. You pick a dating app based on your preference. Next step- build an interesting profile. Put a display image that helps you put your best foot forward. Something recent, clear, and impressive. Do not overedit; it's not appealing. Write a clear and concise bio that gives a glimpse of who you are, what you want in a relationship, and what you can offer. This way, you will attract the right type of matches. Make it clear that you want a romantic relationship to avoid getting friend-zoned. Finally, once you match, spend some time chatting and getting to know each other. A match is not a commitment. If it doesn't go well, you can always tell them that it's not working out and unmatch.

It's the best way to meet a potential partner without leaving room for misunderstanding and ending up being friend-zoned.

Best Wishes.

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

I am eldest among my siblings and my father was not a family man. He never felt responsible for family. I studied, got job , married two sisters entirety out of my money. I entirety funded my younger brother studies and gave money monthly till he got job at 30 years of age. But after he got job, behavior of family started changing. I never expected anything in return, whatever I did for my family was out of feeling of responsibility. I felt cheated at the end because even my mother behavior changed after my brother got job. Now I don't feel attached to my family. How to handle this as now I don't want to be used.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Commendable!
You have done all that you could for your family...now STOP...
It's time to live your life on your terms. Enjoy this phase as one when people are leaving you alone to find yourself, find what you love and what you wish to do. So, do just that!
Someday your family will come to their senses and integrate with you again. Till then, take time off for yourself without the responsibilities of anyone on you. Make the best of what IS...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Question by Shubham - Jan 17, 2024Hindi

How to maintain mental health?

Ans: Dear Shubham,
- Exercise for at least 40 mins at least 4 times a week
- Get a bit of sun exposure (avoid 11 am to 4 pm) every day
- Choose your social circle wisely
- Journal your thoughts or experiences of the day
- Make a playlist for peppy songs to play on a loop
- Watch content on OTT platforms that uplifts you
- Spend time in silence at least for 30 mins every day
- Spend time with pets (if you love that) and/or with Nature
- Indulge in what you love to do every day for at least 20 mins

All the best!

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Ravi Mittal |182 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi

Im 28 F and planning to focus on career before thinking about marriage. Parents are pressuring me to get married but im not interested now. Is it too late already?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's a really good decision. There is nothing wrong with focusing on your career first and marriage after. In fact, it is best to have financial independence before marriage. And though I understand your parents' concerns, 28 is absolutely not too late to get married. There is no right time frame to get married. There's only the right mindset. If you are not ready for it, you should not rush into it.
Your parents have your best intention in mind, let's remember that first. But that does not mean you have to give in to their ideas. Try to make them understand the importance of having a career of your own and the importance of being financially independent. I'm sure with time they will come around.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal |182 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi

Im in a relationship with a guy for 9 years. We tried to convince our familes. My family got convinced, but his family didnt. He is threating him that if he marry me they will hurt us. He is fed up with all these and now dont want to get married. What should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. I understand that it must be hard to move on after putting so much effort into building a relationship for nine years. But if there are threats of harm involved in it, I have no other advice than to inform your parents about the same and keep a safe distance. I am sure your partner has tried his best but looking into everyone's best interest, keeping your distance for the time being seems like the best option right now. You can ask your parents to talk to his parents; if they still continue to threaten you, as any well-wisher, I would be forced to ask you to reconsider the relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 02, 2024

Question by keerthana - Apr 29, 2024Hindi

Hi Mam, Actually I am self independent girl. I am not financially dependent on anyone. I am good in my career. I have a boyfriend the relationship is been 10 years. lastyear when i told my parents i wanted to get married to him, my parents opposed it . now they have fixed my marriage with someone else , i tried to tell the person who is going to get married to me that i am in relationship and i am not able to overcome with that. i am not interested in this marriage. The boy who is going to get married to me told all the details what i have informed to him regrading my relationship to my parents . and also he is saying me that he is going to give me a good life he wanted to marry me only. what should i do now even my parents wanted me to get married to the person who they have arranged wedding .But i am really not interested.

Ans: You are financially Independent. So how can he give you a good life? Your good life depends on you, not that guy. Go where your heart feels better.

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

I am 36 years old and still single. I want to get married but alliances are not working. I have been in isolated environment from childhood so I never approached any girl so never had any relationship either. From last few months I started feeling very lonely. Is this because of my single status?

Ans: Yes. You have a desire to experience something but it's not fulfilled. So you feel that void.

There are questions to answer -
- Are you a virgin?
- do you have laid sex?
- Are you looking for companionship or just sex or both?
- why do you want to get married?

The answer these questions is already stated

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi

Hi i am guru. I am 57 year old. My spouse 40 year old she had an affair with her boyfriend for a period of 1 year. Reason she assigns for relationship is i am poor i can't fulfill her dreams like car and package tours own house etc. She says she intentionally did this because I used to beat her for her mistakes which are big mistakes. Now we leaving together but no sex after we know about affair. Now I am in confusion weather to continue or not. I am in confusion, she stays with me like unknown person and make me to take care of home expenses even though she earns

Ans: Leave. Move on. Better to be alone than to be with negative energy

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Hy im 21 yr old guy and m bisexual, i was in live in relationship with my parter who is a doctor age 27+ . We lived happily for 5-6 months thn we got separated cause it was predicided that we have to separate in future . But eventually i fall harder for tht person.. he wants to leave n i just want to stop tht person . We both ended on bad note, ...its been a year now he didnt look back once....i cant stop loving him

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Both of you had decided much earlier to end it at some point. It's happened...And your partner kept his end of the promise; do the same and respect what has happened.
Love is not that hold people but liberates them into freedom. Let it go...in time, you will heal...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi

Hello I am 38Yrs old and married for over 10years. One year back i discovered about my wife getting involved with another man. I was shattered as we have two kids. I initially thought of straight going for divorce but our two kids were always a priority for me and opened up conversation with my wife on what inclined her to take this step. She was shocked that I am aware of her situation. She then opened up that she felt lonely at times when I was away extremely busy with my office and at times she required emotional support for which I was not there. I explained her no reason in this world can explain her act. She felt apologetic and I decided to give another chance to our relationship keeping in mind our kids future. Its now more than an year and our physical/emotional relation have intensified since the incident. We miss each other when I am away and get into steamy conversations to compensate whenever we are distant. Despite of this I still cannot take the past out of my mind and at times it disturbs me. I feel really cheap that despite of moving ahead in our life's why I still keep bringing the past in between our relation. Although I don't discuss anymore about the incident with my wife but she can very well sense the reason when I feel disturbed. I want your help on how to best overcome of such incidents emotionally and rebuild the lost trust with your partner.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's your control over the way your mind thinks...
If you want to play upon what's happened, then making up and trying to be in the marriage is going to be a difficult proposition. So, decide how you want to play this? Will you train your mind to look forward and rebuilding the marriage OR do you wish to keep at what's happened and live in the past? This is your choice to make...Of course, you cannot erase what's happened but you can change the way that you feel about it...
So, first make that choice. If you wish to dwell on the past, do know that your relationship will sour sooner than later. If you wish to move things ahead, then:
- rebuild the lost trust by spending more time together
- every time you slip into the past, remind yourself that you made the choice to move ahead
- make a clear and positive image of hwo you want your married life to be and play it up in your mind several times in a day

These are a few ways of changing the way you think about an incident and teaches you to move ahead more in a focused manner. Make a choice and stick by it.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

I am a single working mother 52 years of age.My son is 27 years has completed his MBA but currently sitting idle at home.He is having a relationship with the maid and when I objected to it he beat me mercilessly.How do I handle the situation as he wants to marry her.He is living off my money.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Would you think it will be cruel if I suggested that you throw him out?.
He has to be taught a lesson and the one who resorts to physical abuse for being corrected by his own mother needs a bit of harsh treatment. It's sad that this is your son treating you this way but since he is dependent on you for money, the day you stop giving him money and ask him to leave, you will be doing not just yourself but your son a huge favor.
Parents from the bird and animal kingdom do just that to enable their young ones to fend for themselves as they will not be around them forever.
Instead of giving your son the message that you will take care of his needs, kindly enable him to take care of himself and then he can do what he wishes to...Remember, that you still have the upper hand as you are making the money!

All the best!

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Ravi Mittal |182 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Hi..I am a 45 years widow lady and having a son. I am widowed since ten years. One person age of around 50 years is asking about love and may be marriage who is a divorcee and having no kids. Problem is that I am good looking and he is just an average looking person but his nature is good and he continuously asking me for my companionship. I am in a very much confusing state of mind. I love his talks, his concerned towards me except his looks. Kindly tell me what should I do. I know everything that he may be good for me but my mind is not allowing me. does the looks of a person matters if I choose him? kindly clear my confusion.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for your loss. It is certainly not easy to put yourself out there and find love. And it might seem that you should have to settle because it's difficult to find a kind man, but you shouldn't. While I would like to point out that looks don't last forever; it's people's nature, their kindness, and their behavior that stays in the long run, that doesn't mean you must settle down with the first man who ticks the boxes. If your heart isn't into it, you should not have to rush. Give it some time. If you are okay with it, maintain a friendly relationship with him. If, with time, you grow to like him, then that's amazing. If you don't, that's perfectly fine too.
My only suggestion here is don't rush. A good nature, though hard to find, is still the bare minimum. Also, please don't focus on outward appearances only. They can be deceiving.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

I am married since 2015 and I live in a joint family comprising of more than 20 members .everything was good until member of the families started accusing me of everything bad happening to family .father in law started abusing me ,when husband came in support of me even he was abused and man handled by everyone in the family .we live now in different town 400 away from them ,due to husband job, every now and the we both are made accused of something bad happening in family which the family member of mother in law side are instigating ..like sister in law caught in a relationship she named me for that blaming that i was the one who led the boy to meet and other started saying so to in laws and then same abusing over phone started...husband is supportive and is ready to leave everything for our mental peace but is emotionally down as he has to leave his family ...i am feeling very disturbed now of all this and the situation some how affecting my 5 years old son who always asks for the reasons for crying .

Ans: it's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of yourself and your family. No one should have to endure abuse or false accusations, especially within their own family. It's commendable that your husband is supportive and willing to prioritize your mental peace, even if it means leaving behind his family.

In such toxic and volatile situations, it may be necessary to distance yourselves from the negative influences and create boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health. Moving away from the family home was a positive step, and it's important to continue prioritizing your own well-being and that of your son.

Communication between you and your husband is key during this time. Lean on each other for support, and continue to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and plans for the future. Together, you can navigate through this challenging time and make decisions that are in the best interest of your family's happiness and safety.

It's also important to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer guidance, empathy, and perspective during this difficult time. You don't have to face these challenges alone, and reaching out for support can provide valuable emotional support and validation.

Lastly, remember to prioritize self-care for yourself and your son. Take time to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and ensure that your son feels loved and supported during this transition. Children can be sensitive to family dynamics, so providing a stable and nurturing environment is crucial for his emotional well-being.

Overall, it's important to remember that you deserve to be in a safe and supportive environment, free from abuse and false accusations. It may be a difficult journey, but by prioritizing your own well-being and making decisions that are in the best interest of your family, you can navigate through this challenging time and emerge stronger and happier in the end.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Question by Jagmeet - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

My parents said to me for marriage but i am in relationship with someone but he doesn't want marriage with me what i can do. I feel depressed and no one understands my feelings because it's very hard move on in life

Ans: it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel upset, disappointed, and even depressed when facing such circumstances. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the future you envisioned with your partner.

However, it's also important to recognize that you deserve to be in a relationship where your needs and desires are valued and respected. If marriage is important to you and your partner is unwilling to commit to that, it may be a sign of fundamental differences in your priorities and goals. In such cases, it's essential to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and needs.

Express to your partner why marriage is important to you and listen to their perspective as well. However, if you find that you're unable to reach a compromise or if your partner remains unwilling to reconsider their stance, you may need to reassess the relationship and consider whether it's ultimately fulfilling and healthy for you.

Moving on from a relationship can indeed be incredibly challenging, but it's important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can offer understanding and empathy during this difficult time. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you navigate through your emotions.

Remember that while it may feel overwhelming now, with time and self-care, you will be able to heal and move forward toward a brighter future. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and fulfilled, and it's okay to take steps to pursue that happiness, even if it means letting go of something that's no longer serving you.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.

Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

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Ravi Mittal |182 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi

Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi

Hello Madam I am married from 6 months, I am confused weather I should produce kids or not, because I think producing a kid brings financial and emotional responsibilities to us. Can you advise what should I do, because I don't want to come under society pressure, please share your expert advise Thank you

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How you view life will determine your choices in life.
If a child is a production, then obviously the product comes with operational and maintenance costs.
But if you thought of children as one born out of love that fills joy into your life, the responsibilities that you have mentioned become joys.
Yes, having children and raising them is not an easy task BUT if you have the right frame of mind, you possibly will learn to enjoy that as well irrespective of what society expects of you.
So, first start to re-define the meaning you have attached to children. Once that happens, you will be in a better mind space to understand whether having kids is the right decision for you, if YES, when is the right time and what are all the 'responsibilities' and how to take them on.
A slight change in the way you think can set you free...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution? Please help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your question has been answered here...
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/gurus-logo-anwesha-sign-out-healthhealth-moneymoney-relationshiprelationship-careescareer-ask/5153476

All the best!

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi

I don't have relation with wife as she is a patient. Hence I have relation with a divorcee. But i dont erection when I get physical with her. Please advise

Ans: Refer to a sexologist

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Question by Suman - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

Dear madam , I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.

Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

Dear madam , My name is Suman ..44+ years I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.

Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Question by SN - Apr 28, 2024Hindi

Hi, I have a divorcee daughter aged 45 whose unpleasant and quarrelsome behavior is a constant source of misery and headache for whole of the family. Her marriage could not go beyond 2 months as her in-laws turned out to be greedy, troublesome and also found involved in some fraudulent activities with a few police cases against them -- which forced us to seek divorce. I may add that my daughter ever since she was 13 or 14 yrs became a little self-willed and considered her to be always right in action and thought in front of parents or any one else. This has become very serious now. She is not at all open to any kind of reasoning or discussion. If you always act, think or do as per her wish, it is ok otherwise she will start fighting on any thing or every thing. Her attitude of selfishness and always finding faults with other family members including parents is spoiling the peaceful atmosphere of the house. Expecting any kind of adjustment from her is asking for the moon. Kindly advise.

Ans: Dear SN,

I can understand how challenging it must be to deal with your daughter's behavior. It's concerning that she's been displaying this attitude since she was young and that it's causing such turmoil within your family.

Consider seeking the help of a family therapist or counselor who specializes in dealing with family conflicts. A professional can provide an objective perspective and offer strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts.It's important to establish clear boundaries with your daughter regarding her behavior. Let her know what behaviors are unacceptable and what consequences will follow if those boundaries are crossed.
Encourage Open Communication: Even though your daughter may be resistant to discussion, continue to encourage open communication within the family. Let her know that you're willing to listen to her perspective and work together to find solutions. Instead of solely focusing on her negative behavior, try to reinforce positive behaviors when you see them. Praise her when she acts respectfully or cooperatively, and try to reinforce those behaviors. Show your daughter how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts peacefully by modeling those behaviors yourself. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or confrontations, and instead, try to remain calm and rational.If your daughter is open to it, encourage her to seek therapy on her own. A therapist can help her explore the underlying reasons for her behavior and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage your daughter to reflect on her behavior and its impact on herself and others. Help her recognize the importance of empathy and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships.
It may take time and patience, but with consistent effort and support, there is hope for improvement. Remember to take care of yourselves and seek support from other family members or friends if needed.

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi

Hi, I’m a 29 year old working woman. My husband who is 36, left his job 2 years ago just after my child was born. Since then he did not put much efforts to get another job and I’m only taking care of all the financial responsibilities. Whenever I ask him about job, he learns some courses online and then stops learning after few days giving some excuses. This has happened several times. He spends too much of my income even on small things saying he wants best quality products only. Almost everyday he asks me to buy some products or outside food and gets angry if I reject. Myself or my in-laws are not able to force him to get a job because he has anger issues and becomes verbally abusive very quickly. Even my parents are scared of his anger so not able to talk to him regarding his job. I feel very frustrated everyday since me or my family is not able to do anything about this, how do I deal with him?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great as a partner to support home and your spouse when there's a need. BUT now, you seem to have a lazy man oops boy to take care of now. Kindly stop doling out money for his pleasures. Let him earn and do his bit for the family. He's just getting used to putting his legs up and taking a very long break which he doesn't intend to come out of. It's a great habit and he's enjoying the convenience of it all.
He also needs a push out of this laziness the root cause of which can be identified by an expert; so kindly seek help so that you are not looking after another baby other than yours. Act soon...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I am 49 yrs old guy. Is it Ok to have sex every day multiple times. Any effect mentally or physically... Pl. Suggest

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The only thing that you might lose is stamina and your precious time. But of you are physically fit, then multiple times should not cause any issues.
But you know, human beings are also meant to explore other wonderful things in life. Hit the gym, go out with your social circle, find joy in a hobby...this is great too, you know!

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

I am 39 now married 7 years ago, my wife is 27 yrs now. Due to various reason i am stayed near to my job location and she lives in my native, i usually meet twice a month. Few weeks ago she shifted near to my work place along with my son and mother in law. An hour ago i encountered a situation wherein my inlaw approached me i managed the situation, left the home and traveling to office now. How can i make her understand that i dont want to get into any other relationship.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Say NO loudly and clearly. That's it...

All the best!

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi

Hi , Iam 40 , and divorced , I Recently met a girl in my office , who is just a fresher and we have a gap of around 15 Years. Is it Ok to Continue relationship with this girl ? is the Age Gap Too Much to Handle. Should i withdraw from the relationship at the earlier stage itself rather than getting into it and later break up?

Ans: Age gap won't matter. It's about chemistry. Leonardo di Caprio Only dates women below 25. Is she into you? Does she like you?

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

we have 3 yrs of relationship and in that frm 2 yrs we are in long distance we have great bondings ,no issue on that but the major issue taht we have no future becos he belongs to bhramin family his family is very strict not accept intercaste marriage and also they dont want him to move out of house . right now he is pursuing mbbs and i am pursuing computer science . i live in bangalore as u know its tech hub and best place for me for career but he will make future in gujarat he is telling me to come over there after marriage still we have lot time to think but he dont want to hang me in middle of the situation as he is not able to promise me that he will make it work 100% . He now every time telling me ki if u come to gujarat then only it will work and convince his family and some time he tells me that even if u come their might be my parents not fully accept u and tell u something rudely and all stuffs as i belong to general and may be u will regret for ur career also . what should i do should i compromise my career and do remote job or stay in some small company just for him or otherwise leave him? even i have great fear of not getting any soulmate after this becos as my experiences my elder sisters and brothers are still dint get their perfect partners its hard to get married to unknown i know i am overthinking at this stage but am confuse. i also dont have much frnd to talk about my prsnl problems .its been 2 yrs i have been through my personal loss and family problems also some times i am in pain getting sucidal thoughts its not for the relationships .Please help me with this .

Ans: Tel him to step up as a man and decide. You don't need a soul mate. The one you are seeking is yourself. Choose to be financially strong..

Asked on - Apr 28, 2024 | Answered on Apr 29, 2024

He is not stepping up he is telling I will take care of my parents and do my work only if u will come I will go against my parents it might be after that possiblites are still there that they might not treat u well.If u ask me i want a different life from this as I live in it hub the culture is totally different I want to live freely without this family issues and travel the world , explore new thing and also focus on career . But I am finding that he might not give me that life also as I said there is no job scope their for me so should I live him becos of this is it fair enough ?

Ans: Yes.. so move on. You'll find another better guy. Remeber - 'Freedom is the highest value'

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Mohit Arora |42 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Question by Betsy - Apr 27, 2024Hindi

Hello Ma'am, I am a introverted person. I talk very less that becoming a problem in pur relationship tht he is saying i am not opening up to him i am hiding things how can i change myself from an introverted to an extrovert person

Ans: It's possible through a series of steps and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone gradually..

1- start saying hi to everyone (you'll feel better after doing it)
2- start making small conversations
3 - don't filter too much. Say what comes to your mind.

There are many more things you can do however it requires personalized assessment and guidance.

Hope it helps .

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

We are both loving couples... But mywife always picks something and for a small quarrel that happened 3 years ago where both sides have reasons she is not coming to my home to see my parents especially mother in law and also forces me to not take my child.. my parents loves grand child and am stuck b/w them... She also making me not going to my home to see my parents.. my parents are ready to do anything she ask .. asking her forgiveness and come to home.. quarrel s were are all for just silly reasons .. what to do.. I ve lost patience and always things abt it

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need to have a chat with your wife and she needs to understand that every relationship is unique. Even if your wife isn't interested in making up with your parents, she needs to realize that your parents' relationship with you and their grandson is not dependent on her. This takes up a lot of maturity, but many families maintain equilibrium by following this way of co-existing. Not everybody needs to get along with everyone but whoever gets along have the freedom to do so with no guilt or remorse.
Sit down, talk and be firm about this and also make your parents understand that when their daughter-in-law wants to interact with them, she will...and at no point force any relationship on her.
The best way to repair relationships is to just let them be...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

? rediff.com Rediff Gurus Logo Hi Anwesha | Sign Out HealthHealth MoneyMoney RelationshipRelationship CareesCareer Ask your questions about health, money, relationship or careers here Ask Anonymously You posted: My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, this feeling ain't going away that soon as you are bordering on obsession possibly without reason.
Jealousy leading to insecurities and constantly monitoring him is only going to make it worse on you...so either you trust him or you don't...which is it going to be?
Has he given you any reason to doubt him OR is it only your fear and hate fueling it? If it's the ex coming along and bringing with it all the fears inside of you, then work at it before you make this really ugly and now it's in your hands.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion BUT how you deal with it is a choice you are going to have to make. So, start to reassure yourself by saying that it's all okay and good. Challenge your thoughts every time they crop up so that it doesn't grow large enough for you to start projecting. Talk to your boyfriend requesting him to be more patient with you if at all you snap at him for anything. But not for long as he will run out of patience.
If there is nothing going on between him and his ex, why is it taking you so much to trust him? More than a love, a relationship needs trust and understanding. Pour these into it and not only will you feel better, your boyfriend will also be more supportive of what you are going through. Trust or not; it's your choice!

All the best!

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

My boyfriend's ex happens to be his sister-in law's sister (first cousin). That was his first serious relationship and she had dumped him. It has been quite a few years since, but it bothers me that he is indirectly still related to her. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has a daughter (his niece) whom he loves very much. But whenever he talks to his sister in law or plays with the kid, it makes me uncomfortable. I am broadly uncomfortable with the fact that he is the uncle to the same kid his ex is aunt to. Which means they are somewhat familialy related. I have seen his ex post videos of the kid playing around in his house, which means she still gets regular updates about his household through her sister (his sister-in-law). I really don't want to get into something this complicated, but I love my boyfriend very much. He also loves the kid a lot which makes me hate myself for projecting my hate on the kid/sister-in law because they're not at fault. But it really bothers me whenever I hear the kid's voice or his sister in law's because that reminds me of his ex. I feel extremely insecure and uncomfortable and I don't know how to deal with this, but I really want things to work out between my boyfriend and me. What is the solution?

Ans: It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation that's bringing up a lot of emotions for you. It's completely natural to feel uncomfortable or insecure in a situation like this, especially when there are reminders of your partner's past relationship.

First and foremost, communication is key. Talk openly and honestly with your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Let him know that you're struggling with these emotions and that you want to find a solution together. It's important for him to understand where you're coming from and to be supportive of your feelings.

Additionally, try to focus on building trust and strengthening your relationship with your boyfriend. Remind yourself of the reasons why you love him and the bond that you share. Trust that he's committed to you and that his past relationship is just that – in the past.

It's also worth considering setting boundaries with your boyfriend's sister-in-law, particularly when it comes to sharing information about your household or your relationship with his ex. Let her know that while you appreciate her relationship with your boyfriend and her niece, you would prefer to keep certain aspects of your personal life private.

Remember, it's okay to feel the way you do, but it's important to address these feelings constructively and work towards a resolution that allows you to feel comfortable and secure in your relationship.

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi

I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your first question is something that you have already answered yourself. Since you said that you got very less in alimony, obviously it suggests that the terms of separation of assets and monetary compensation and support for you and the child was not drawn up by your lawyer. (if you had a lawyer or was it a mutual consent divorce?) I am unaware if things can be changed through legal means demanding more compensation now; you can check with a legal expert.
But I don't understand the manipulation part. What does he do to manipulate your son?

Secondly when your son says that he does not want to share you with anyone, he is just confused and scared. He has lost his father in this divorce and does not want to lose you as well. At 12, they go through a lot of hormonal changes and it can be a confusing time. Also it is possible that he has not yet processed this separation. Sit him down and explain what has just happened. He needs to first feel safe before he is in a place of accepting another person as a part of your life and his. Address all his concerns gently and provide him with all the reassurance that he seeks to feel stable and safe. On your part, are you looking for a partner only because your ex-husband has moved on? Something to ponder over...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Question by Navin - Jan 25, 2024Hindi

I have married since 19 years, married ceremony is her elder sister's house. Wife is ignoring me again. She is not buying any new dresses but discuss with both sisters n her mother but problem is not that but why when i am not at home. She calls them in my absent, and does not share anything with me. When asked just quarrels with me n not talking to me normally, even talks very ruthly.

Ans: Dear Navin,
What exactly is your issue here? How do you want me to guide you?
I can only assume that you are unhappy that your wife does not share much with you. Maybe because she finds it safe and comforting sharing with her side of the family?
Have a frank chat without complaining but hearing her as to what bothers you...that might help you understand her better.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi

Hi, i am 34 yrs old married for the last 4 yrs. I married a man knowing he is alcoholic. I had told him that I am not someone who is very fond of sex and I am very scared to have sex as I feel it's painful for which he was okay thinking I would change after marriage. Both of us din want to have kids. It's been 4 yrs I have not had sex Nor has he ever forced me to. Tat way he respects me is what I believe, the reason initially I used to deny was he used to drink and come home , just few days after being wed he came drunk abused me physically and verbally. Things escalated during lockdown he is mentally, verbally abusive , emotionally not available. He has a problem with everyone around him, I have told him multiple times that we could go for counseling, he says okay at times and later abuses me for suggesting it. I have always been there for him, supported mentally , emotionally and financially. But I get nothing in return. I used to feel it's all coz of me not having sex but will having sex just solve all this? It's not like I have not gone to meet psychiatrists I have and they advised me few things and I have also told my husband that let's have sex but he tells some reason. Also, we do get physical make out and everything except for sex. He says when he is in a good mood that it's not about sex. He has had this abusive behaviour right from day one. Why is sex given so much importance ? much more than basic care and affection? M I at fault here? Please help me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put it all in one form...
1. You married a man who has a drinking problem
2. You feel sex is painful and believe that it is
3. You wonder if having sex can solve all your problems
4. You want to know if basic care and affection can override sex
Who is at fault must not be your question but rather ask what can be done here to rebuild the marriage?
Firstly, if you husband has a drinking issue, why has this not been treated? Instead the focus is on sex and no sex...
Sure, sex is a part of any marriage and it certainly can help couples bond together in a better way. But is it the only thing to save a marriage? NO!
But it's possible that sex may help your husband communicate better with you at an emotional level as well. You see, physical and emotional bonding go hand in hand. And wherever you got the idea that sex is painful needs to worked upon. Honestly, you are missing out on a beautiful element within marriage.
Kindly seek professional help for yourself on this, your husband for his drinking issue and it will help going for couples therapy. Do what needs to be done to put your marriage back together. Long journey, if you feel this can actually help and that you want that help...

All the best!

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Shalini Singh |63 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Question by Wonder - Apr 25, 2024Hindi

How can you make your relationship a memorable one?

Ans: its a very generic question, please be specific what are trying to ask. On another note have a healthy relationship with your partner, let them be the person they are, avoid changing them. Let them know what about them upsets you but dont nag or play blame game , laugh a lot, keep the child in you always. There will be disagreements galore, avoid screaming or crying when you deal with such situations....vent off the steam and get back to being normal vs holding on to it....live life honestly and truly live it as we live just once.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

My son is 13, diagnosed with anxiety spectrum at age 8.His medications have reduced , takes fluvoximine 50 at night, but has social media addiction,what should i do?

Ans: Managing a child's social media addiction, especially when they have underlying mental health concerns like anxiety, can be challenging but crucial for their well-being. Start by having an open and non-judgmental conversation with your son about his social media use. Express your concerns about how excessive screen time can impact his mental health and overall well-being.Establish clear rules and boundaries around screen time and social media use. This could include limiting the amount of time he spends on social media each day or setting specific times when he's allowed to use it.
Lead by Example: Model healthy screen time habits yourself. Show your son that you prioritize face-to-face interactions, hobbies, and other activities over excessive screen time.Encourage your son to engage in offline activities that he enjoys and that promote social interaction, physical activity, and creativity. This could include sports, hobbies, art, or spending time with friends and family.Keep an eye on your son's social media use and monitor the content he's consuming. Consider using parental control apps or settings to limit access to certain apps or websites.If your son's social media addiction is significantly impacting his mental health or daily functioning, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in treating addiction and/or anxiety. They can provide individualized strategies and support for managing his social media use in a healthy way.
Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies: Help your son develop healthy coping strategies for managing his anxiety, such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, or engaging in calming activities when he feels overwhelmed.
By taking proactive steps to address your son's social media addiction and providing support for his anxiety, you can help him develop healthier habits and improve his overall well-being. Remember to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and understanding, and seek professional support if needed.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Question by T - Apr 18, 2024Hindi

Hi ! I am a 38 year old divorced woman. Its almost 10 years that I got divorced, from a man with whom I was married for 2 months. Since then, I never had a long relationship with anyone. For the past 1 month, I feel I have developed feelings for my cousin (sister) who is 10 years older to me. She too is divorced, long back. (2006). I understand she too has feelings for me. What should I do. Please suggest.

Ans: Navigating feelings for a family member can be complex, especially when considering societal norms and potential family dynamics. It's understandable to feel uncertain about how to proceed in such a situation.

First and foremost, it's important to consider the potential implications and consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with your cousin. While relationships between cousins are not legally prohibited in many places, they can sometimes face social stigma or disapproval from family members.

Before taking any further steps, it's crucial to have open and honest communication with your cousin about your feelings and concerns. Discussing your mutual feelings in a respectful and sensitive manner can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and help you navigate your feelings and the potential impact on your family dynamic. They can also offer strategies for communicating effectively and managing any challenges that may arise.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pursue a romantic relationship with your cousin is a deeply personal one that only you and your cousin can make. It's essential to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and consideration for the feelings and well-being of everyone involved.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that you deserve to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your relationships, and seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals can help you navigate this situation with clarity and confidence.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi

I got married three months ago, during courtship period my ex was in my office but then my marriage wasn't fixed properly ,when it got yeses from both the side I changed my office,but I couldn't tell this to my husband and also I lied about my virginity,he was also not virgin and after marriage I confessed all this ,now he is not forgiving me for my dishonesty and not letting me come home also he abuse me verbally ,slapped me..I also feel like cheated for not letting me know this side of him before marriage..How should I go ahead?

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your new marriage. It's concerning to hear that you're experiencing verbal abuse and physical violence from your husband. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

First and foremost, if you are in immediate danger or feel unsafe, please reach out to local authorities or a trusted friend or family member for support. Your safety is paramount.

In terms of next steps, it's essential to seek support and assistance from professionals who can help you navigate this situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships and domestic violence. They can provide you with guidance, support, and resources to help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

Additionally, you may want to consider reaching out to organizations or hotlines that specialize in supporting individuals experiencing domestic violence. They can offer confidential support, safety planning, and resources to help you leave the abusive situation and rebuild your life.

It's also crucial to recognize that you are not responsible for your husband's abusive behavior, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage. If your husband is unwilling to seek help or change his behavior, it may be necessary to consider your options for leaving the relationship to ensure your safety and well-being.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging, but you don't have to face it alone. There are people and resources available to support you every step of the way. Please prioritize your safety and take steps to protect yourself from further harm. You deserve to live a life free from abuse and violence.

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Kanchan Rai |179 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi

I am single mother of 12 year old boy and got divorced last year after 7 years of living seperate from my ex husband, I got married in 2010 through matrimonial site and had very toxic and abusive relationship, so I came to my maternal home in 2016 completely. There were many occasions when he approached me and promised to behave properly but failed to do so . He only filed for divorce by making false accusations of being characterless. I gave him divorce and in return I got very less alimony or the amount which was given in cash to them in my marriage. Now I came to know that he remarried and living his life . He is still in contact with my son and sometimes he blame me and my parents for this divorce. My first question is that is he trying to manipulate my son ( he is not bearing any education expenses of my son) And when I ask my son if I can also move on in my life, he refuses and says I don't want to share you with anyone. So I am very confused.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing. It sounds like you've been through a lot and are trying to navigate a difficult situation for both yourself and your son.

Regarding your ex-husband's behavior, it's possible that he may be trying to manipulate your son, especially if he is blaming you and your parents for the divorce. Children can be susceptible to manipulation, especially when they're caught in the middle of a divorce. It's important to maintain open communication with your son and reassure him that the divorce was not his fault and that both you and your ex-husband still love him.

As for your son's reluctance to see you move on, it's not uncommon for children of divorce to struggle with the idea of one or both parents moving on and forming new relationships. Your son may fear losing the close relationship he has with you or worry about how a new relationship might change his life. It's essential to validate his feelings and reassure him that your love for him will not change, regardless of any new relationships you may have.

It might also be helpful to involve a therapist or counselor who can work with both you and your son to navigate these emotions and provide support during this challenging time. Additionally, continuing to foster a strong, positive relationship with your son and maintaining open communication will be crucial as you both move forward.

Ultimately, while it's important to consider your son's feelings, it's also essential for you to take care of yourself and pursue your own happiness. Balancing your needs with those of your son can be challenging, but with time, patience, and support, you can find a way forward that works for both of you.

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 04, 2024Hindi

My husbands 25 year old niece is too obsessed with him. She shares everything and discusses every bit of her work with him. They go to gym together, classes together. She is married and stays with us with her husband. Most of the time she is around and just does not give space. For eg. she keeps on asking questions to my husband or has some or the other topic to discuss. My husband is also very attentive to her every need. I don’t find this right. And it upsets me to next level. Is my feeling right? Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why are you having grown-ups who can earn and fend for themselves in your home?
You want space, then make space by politely asking them to move out. Even they need to learn to live with one another whereby the niece can rely on her husband rather than on your husband. Obviously it also suggests that your husband is either being ignorant of her fancy for him OR he's enjoying all the attention. Whatever the case, it will be healthy for both the couples here to maintain a healthy distance so discuss this with your husband and tell him how uncomfortable you feel with her around you all the time. He may call your doubt as foolish, but stay firm and request him that together you both convey to them to find a space and move out. You may even offer to search for accommodation for them so that they don't feel that they are being rudely thrown out.
But, be firm with this...

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 08, 2024Hindi

Namasthe Dr. I am 72. My menopause passed off very coolly without any hickups. Myself and my husband who is six years elder to me in age have been having regular sex once a week and we both enjoy the act. Is that normal or should we refrain from the act? I get arousal normally. Kindly suggest as I sometimes get a doubt whether sex at this age may not be good.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Congratulations! Most couples wean off from sex citing old age and other health issues due to ageing...
The act of sex/lovemaking increases heart rate, blood pressure and respiratory cycles and that is the only thing that you need to be watchful of especially if you are under medications for any lifestyle ailments. This doubt can be cleared with your doctor who can advise you accordingly; other than this sex is the most beautiful sport to indulge in at any age and also it keeps a couple together emotionally as well. So, enjoy...

All the best!

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Ravi Mittal |182 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Question by Shruti - Apr 18, 2024Hindi

Hi sir I want your advice as I don't know what to do and how to handle I am in long distance relationship with a guy who is in navy since 3 years .He told to his parents about our relationship buy they rejected because off intercaste and all usko bhut kuch sunaya aur ba vo use bat bhi nhi kar rhe pichle 4 mahino se usko mumy use bat gak nhi kar rhi aur use ghar vale uske liye ladki bhi search karne lag gye taki shadi karva de khi aur Is bich vo mujhe ab distance bna rha dur ho rha mujhse dhere dhere mer khane par bat kar rha bs aur.bol rha ab Humara koi future nhi hai isliye acha hoga ab hum bag nhi kare but mai uske bina nhi rhe la rhi bhut buri halat ho rhi meri uske bina vo mer khane par bat kar rha kar vo bhut jyada preshna hai samj nhi aya rha kya karo kese thik karu sab Usne mujhe har jgh se block kar diya gha ek bar par mere manane par aya hai but ab na mere number save kar rha na Instagram par follow kar rha kuch nhi maine jab bola to bolta hai bat ho rhi na bs

Ans: Dear Shruti,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. First of all, please try to look at it from your partner's perspective. It isn't easy to confront your parents and it's even harder when they stop communicating altogether. Having said that, I also understand how it is for you. It is not fair, especially in today's day and age, to face discrimination based on caste.

You have two options:
One, you wait patiently, emotionally support your boyfriend, and hope that his parents come to their senses and realize that we are living in 2024, and caste-based discrimination is ridiculous. In this scenario, you do have to let go of your self-respect and have to face many more hardships, that much is guaranteed.

The second option is you hold your head high and move on. Yes, it isn't what you hoped for when you emotionally invested in building this relationship, but unfortunately, these things are still happening. In this scenario, you will be sad for a long time, but you don't have to compromise on your self-respect and you will move on and live to see happier days with someone who respects you and sees you for who you are and not your caste.

Now, the choice is yours.

Best Wishes!

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Anu Krishna |839 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi

Hi Anu, I got divorced 6 years back. I have a son who stays with his mom though I meet him frequently and looking after his educational expenses. I am doing very well in my career, I started my own company a couple of years back and its doing great. Everyone around me tells me to remarry but I just dont want to go through the pain again. I am happy single and would want to stay single. I do not want a companion who would be a parasite like my ex wife, but I am apprehensive about getting old alone. What do I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Once bitten, twice shy!
It happens and someday hopefully you move out of this 'hurt' phase into a 'trust' phase and when you cover that journey (it takes time and a lot of resolve to be able to want to trust again), you will be ready to get into another relationship.
So, decide for yourself when you want to make that journey and as you start, you will encounter insecurities and doubts...stick with it and it will all pass helping you reach a place of calm peace which will enable you to invite another person into your life.

All the best!

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